O! Beautiful one

2005-07-01T05:03:00.000-07:00

I've wanted to, many times in fact, write a post on love...and its over use. However, thru my thoughts, search, and studies...i have yet to achieve the words that i feel this subject deserves. Last night, a dear, life long friend passed away. So my mind is boggled...at a lose for words. I didnt sleep wednesday night and i did not sleep last night either. I have had 6 hours in the past 3 nights. I know, not healthy. My good friend Sean helped me realize something....something that he may not know that he hath shown me. He helped me to see true beauty.

One thing we take for granted is how much beauty we have all around us. Even in the midst of the hussle and bussle of city live in Dallas. I sat at this very computer screen...enslaved in the colors and words that rest on the screen. However, slowly the sun made its apperance. Sure it got more sleep i did. However, my eyes were drawn away from the screen, and to the window above the front door. The sun rose ever higher, and his fingers of light that reached in stretched ever further. As they raced across the floor, a sense came over me. A feeling that, everything was beautiful. But another thing i have noticed is that every beautiful thing comes with a price. For example with the sun comes it's intense rays. With a flower comes it's sharp thorns. With the snow comes freezing weather. What we allow ourselves, as humans anyways, to do is to let these rays, thorns, cold, etc. stop our march and close our eyes. So many people look a the sacrifice and not the reward. This is why we have lost so much beauty. This world can be georgous if we allowed it to be. But only through God's eyes can we see the beauty of human life. This hell destined, decietful, lying, hating body of skin and bones encompasses a soul. One that is so beautiful that the moment this body passes on...the angels rejoice, for they know that we may of lost the world...but we have gained eternity. I've tried to imagine heavan's beauty. The closest i came to is a sunrise on a beach. Serenity. Freedom. Unconditional love. Lately i've been cursed with a string of bad events. With the constant phrase "i hate my life", which on most occasions was sincere, i have begun to lose sight of this beauty. Last night, Sean showed me that despite these cursed events...i have stayed strong in the faith. Yes, i have flatered slightly...but what christian has not. None the less it is time for me to shed this cover of pain and sorrow...and let my true light shine.

"I may have lost the world...but i have eternity to gain."

Quest

2005-06-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, so...this is something new. I think im over bearing myself. I mean, i have a xanga, im on facebook, i have myspace, i have a cardomain page....and now this. However, i feel like this is a place for a deep conversation. So this is where i shall express my deep thoughts.

I've been living in dallas with my sister. I have nothing but a room and some food. Everything else is my own doing. So not having a job is kinda hindering my adventures. Of course im looking for one, but its slightly more difficult than i thought it would be. But you know, filling out all of these applications and stuff, and trust me, i've done more that my fair share, has reminded me of the past. Since i dont have a job, i've had a lot of time to play video games. In these fantasy worlds i have encounterd zombies, dragons, ancient japanese war lords, wwe superstars....but all of them had the same goal...to complete they're quests. Everything you do or pick up along the way can hinder you from or help you acheive your goals and ultimately completing your quest. So when looking back, i could see all the hinderances and all the tools that have stalled me, or given me a boost. But one tool that has always given me the boost and has more than once saved me from a game over was God. Hes been my bigeron sword, my claymore, my phenox sword, my holy avenger, my smackdown points......He has been my holy aura, my onimusha, my ultimate form, my dragoon, my mousu.....for ya'll that dont understand any of that, let me put it in easier terms. For mario fans hes my warp point, my green mushroom, my cape....get the picture? If not let me just say he has been my holy savior, my guidance, my lamp on a dark path...my extra guy that saved me when i was slain by the divine dragon. What i have done is learned to rely on this extra guy. On this last chance. Cause we have a God of second chance plus some. Sure it may be petty to compare all of this to God...but for a simple mind like me this is all i have. This is how i understand it. So my understanding may not seem important. But its deeper than anything else i understand. It has gone straight to the core. It has carried me straight to lu bei, straight to diaz, straight to the demon king, striaght to the final match, striahgt to bowser.....and with his might i have slain the last boss.

Quest complete.......

The end.

Holy Spirit guide me

O! Beautiful one

Quest